So last week I was in LA for an entire week cause I wanted to be spontaneous and see my best friends after a long 4 months, so I surprised them and said lets have a fun and good week and catch up and all. Well as always its always an amazing time when I see them and we had a blast let me tell you, I was in a few situations that will give me good karma and I also closed a chapter in my life I needed to. I actually wanna keep this short and sweet and make a point as well to this post, I learned that living my porn life has taken over my real life and I believe I fucked up something really good for me and I don’t think there’s a change to fix it but who knows. So I helped a girl who was being jumped by some lesbians which I really don’t and won’t stand for especially girls, cause they can fight dirty just like guys but a little more dirtier then guys. So I helped her and got attacked as well which I wasn’t pleased about, but it wasn’t about me that night and plus I don’t hit women at all. So she got all situated and dealt with the police and I went home and told my bestie about it, he was to drunk to even listen so I went to bed. The next day we were all talking, and I brought up the fact I had been talking to a guy for the last 2 months which they were surprised about. So I told them brief things about him and they were all very happy for me cause they see a big change in me, this is probably the happiest Ive ever been in my life not only cause of this amazing guy but with everything. Anyways moving on so I also went to LA to get some things from an old friends apt, (which is damaged and some missing) that was a great time and experience for me to be honest. I would have usually brought the house down but since 2011, I don’t give a shit anymore about people who don’t change and are unhappy. Hash no its just true cause this person is always unhappy and insecure about himself, its actually very sad and I once considered this kid to be a very good and close friend. Sad to lose someone you’ve been good friends with for over 5+ yrs, but after the attitude and cattiness I just don’t have time for him and all that comes with it. I actually had one more night of words with this person before I left LA, and it was the same even after I thought everything was gonna be cool. This was after the good deed we actually both did together, this guy came up the street as we were talking and he was beat up badly. I said OMG what happened to you?! His eyes were big as golf balls and he had a huge gash on the side of his eye and bloody as hell, so I said we need to get you help and or clean you up! He wanted to clean up and so we took him and cleaned him up where me and this acquaintance talked more, I thought it was going great cause we were laughing and talking peacefully. Well when it was time to see the boy we helped off it went right back to being a catty, mean person and so I gave up and I’m done, that chapter is closed and I threw that book in the fire and watched it burn. All in all like I said the LA trip was amazing, I had a blast as always with some of the most amazing best friends I have in LA, I thank you all who gave me the best time and for being you.

I think living my porn life has got the best of me and is kinda interfering with my personal life, so I had to vent to my best friend in NYC about some stuff and she helped me a lot. I need to get back on track with my personal life, make things right that I need to with myself and important people in my life right now. I have in a way neglected things I shouldn’t have and its kinda messed things up, when you have something in your face you know is right don’t put it away and put it as second best. I sadly can say I kinda did that and now I’m paying the price for it and I don’t even know what to say but I’m sorry. We all make mistakes and I made a big one and I’m ready to change and make this all work and move forward. This may sound all scattered cause I have a lot on my mind, but I needed to get this off my chest.

Phillip Ashton